Lovelorn Masamune
by Effervescence bunny
Summary: He loved only him, he wanted him, desired him, and came to a realization, that he will never know how to live the other way because he was a lovelorn being. A lovelorn being who craved the love of the man named Ritsu Onodera...


Disclaimer : I do not own Sekai ichi hatsukoi

Dedicated to NVciel :D

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 _Once… you told me… you loved me…_

And he kept that in his heart, those sacred words, those words that kept him hope and gave him another chance of happiness…

They say, meeting and parting always go hand in hand, but he never wanted to _part._ He wanted Ritsu Oda to be with him forever.

Or so Masamune thought.

When they were love struck teenagers, nothing mattered, they were both happy just being together, and he _loved_ every moment of it, often, he demanded Ritsu's attention, wanting his affection to himself so bad, it was the first time that he felt loved, cherished, and treasured. And it was his first time experiencing different emotions, emotions that made Masamune felt human… and alive.

He doesn't speak often, but he truly loved Ritsu, he really did. He loved his presence in the library, he loved the way he would cuddle with him and follow him around. The brunette was the sweetest boy he had ever met, making him special all the time.

And his innocence and naiveté are endearing, he knew his sweet Ritsu can be very innocent of the real world, and he vowed that he will be more that happy to accompany him and teach him a few things about the said matter…

He had so much planned for them, so many dreams of their future together…

And then it happened…

His life turned into a 360 degree turn when his boyfriend suddenly kicked him and left him without a word, it spiraled down from there, sadness, loneliness, depression started to pile up in his heart that it made him detached to the world, walking in trance, looking for his lost love, getting drunk and sleeping around just to numb the pain.

It's quite funny though, they only dated for a short time, but no matter what he did, he couldn't forget the sweet, innocent angel that stole his heart… and destroyed his heart apart in one single snap…

To add more insult to the injury, he found out that his angel was _engaged._ The thought of Ritsu two timing him really snapped him into pieces…

Yokozawa told him to move on, he _did,_ he _tried_ …

But still…

No matter how much he tried to move, no matter how much he proclaim that he is a stabilized adult and can handle himself, just the mere mention of his _first love_ is enough to throw him into shambles, that's how powerful Ritsu is when it comes to controlling his emotions, one word from the brunette will make him submit, one touch and he will let it all go…one smile and he will surrender…

So easy…

Ritsu can manipulate his whole being whenever he desired, like a submissive puppet to his master, he can do whatever he wanted with his heart… with his body… and probably his soul, and his heart will still beat for him…

The beautiful being can kill him a thousand times, and yet, he will still love him…

He can make himself look like a fool. He can keep on a living a life of lies and convince himself that Ritsu still loves him, he can do it, even if Ritsu will telltale sweet lies to him, he will pretend that it's the truth and only truth, he can be blind to it all, even if it's a fake ass apology, he'll gladly accept it. As long as he will be back to him.

That's how crazy he is for him.

10 years…

And still, no one was able to touch his heart the way the brunette did.

Ritsu is warm, sweet and devoted. He usually dated brunettes because of him, but none of them can keep his interest. Either their hair isn't soft enough or their eyes aren't the perfect shade of green, oppression their skin isn't creamy and smooth enough, he had a lot of reasons for breaking up with them.

After being straightened up by Yokozawa, he promised to move on, completely, even though he can never have his old flame back, a small hope was kept on his heart that he may _see_ him again. He kept on wishing and praying to the Gods, that someday, he wanted to meet the boy who made him fall in love…

And then it happened…

The one person that he's been wishing to comment back fell back on his life again, dropped like a bomb out of nowhere…

It was him, his sweet angel, his Ritsu Oda, he was suspicious of the new editor from the start, somewhere in his heart, he felt that familiar tug of his heartstrings, felt the rush of blood, the fierce heartbeat, and when his suspicions were proved right, he can't help but be enthralled…

And yet…

This man, this new Ritsu Oda, now Onodera where nowhere as near as the angel in his dreams, he was taller, leaner, had broader shoulders, and had a jaded outlook in life.

He still had the same green eyes that he loved so much, but he couldn't help but flinch inwardly everytime he looked at those dazzling green orbs, it was so… cold, so unfeeling… so… empty.

And he doesn't _smile._ It's either frowns, glares, or sarcastic laughs, nowadays, it's hard to believe that the sweet, innocent boy that he used to love and dream about all the time will become this emotionless, this cold, this uncaring….

Yet, it is him, he had asked for him to return, and he did, but he wasn't the same kouhai that he used to love he was still madly in love with him, mind you, and as days passed, he learned to love this present Ritsu.

But…

Ritsu Onodera wasn't the same as before, he was more independent, more wary, more guarded, and more fierce. He talked back to superiors if he was making a point, threats and warnings won't make him back down anymore, he aspires to achieve a status and has higher ambitions, typical attitudes of those kids who were born into power, and Masamune couldn't help but feel scared.

The man in front of him is braver, more eager to spread his wings, it is clear that Ritsu doesn't want nothing from him anymore, he didn't need him to survive, didn't need him when he's scared, didn't need his presence or comfort, and the newbie editor kept on slapping the fact to his face much to his disappointment.

He wasn't Ritsu's number one priority now, much to his pain, unlike before, where he's the only one that mattered to him. Nowadays, his newbie is morphing into a man far beyond his reach, Ritsu proved that he doesn't need his love anymore, and that he never needed anyone else to navigate his way with the world which deeply pained him. The brunette kept on pushing him away, kept on denying his love, with the usual frown on his face and words that kept on slicing his insides all the time.

" _I'm not the stupid naïve 15 year old boy from before, I can survive and I can work, I don't need you or your help, I won't beg for you or run after you anymore, things had changed now, Takano san, we're adults with responsibilities, love is not my priority in life anymore, please get that in your head. "_

He can't help bit feel irritated by those words, despite that, he can't help but to admire the man for his hard work and dedication to his profession.

Despite the fact that he can make Ritsu's body submit, he can't help but be worried, losing him is his greatest fear, he loved him so much, no matter how much he changed, no matter how much he threw his heartfelt efforts away, he will still love that annoying spitfire all his life.

Yokozawa and even Ritsu himself asked him why he kept on going after him, he can have anyone he wants, he can have other lovers, forget him and get married to someone else and be happy…

Except…

No matter how much he tried, he knew that he can't , and he won't be able to completely move on, his heart and his soul are as stubborn as mules, he can have a happy life, but he won't be happy, not ever, because his organ of feelings only yearns for Ritsu, because no matter how much willpower he impose on himself to forget the green eyed prince, he couldn't and wouldn't let go, not ever.

Who gives a shit if he's engaged? He wouldn't give a fuck even if he was Ritsu's secret lover in the shadows, Ritsu is his only happiness, his one true love, he'd rather suffer beside him than live happily and content with other people, why can't the brunette see that?

Why can't he see that he's willing to give up everything for him? He was willing to abandon all his hardwork and sacrifice his own successful status just for him. Why can't he see that he was willing to follow him through the ends of the earth just to prove his sincerity? To prove his devotion? How much more love does Ritsu needs in order for him to accept him in his heart ever again?

He kept on telling him they can just continue and rekindle their past love, that they can still start all over again, but Ritsu didn't want any of that, he wanted to move on, to achieve his dreams with or without him in the picture, and it hurt him that Ritsu couldn't see past his efforts of trying to get him to love him again, that he was working hard to win his heart, and carrying the painful pushes and words that he threw at him in stride, just so he can hear those sweet three words from his mouth again.

He wanted things to go back to the same way as before, but his dearest past love wouldn't let himself be tied down, Ritsu keep on reminding him that things aren't the same way as before, but he will counteract and retaliate that things can be the same again, if only Ritsu will open his heart to him again.

But the man seemed more aware of his status now, just like any other heir, a prince is not destined to be a little prince forever, he is destined to be a king, Ritsu can have the world in his hands anytime and he knows it, he saw that the man has more talents in his sleeve, he can live anywhere and he can do everything, he can have anything… or anyone he wants at the snap of his fingers, and Masamune feared that change.

Ritsu had spread his wings, discovered people and other customs and made himself worthy of the circle where he belonged, he saw him conversing confidently with foreign businessmen and businesswomen with ease and confidence, leaving a trail of nothing but admiration in his wake, people are starting to admire him, admiration leads to desire, many are willing to chase after him, to belong to the heirs' arms and stay in their confinement, clearly, it was evident that he's not the only one who is after him, heiresses and heirs would go after him, wanting a piece of his affection, and the bronze eyed man knew from that moment that Ritsu, isn't just his anymore.

It was terrifying to think that with the brunette's abilities and power, he can have whoever he wants, he can toss Masamune Takano aside anytime if he wants to, and forget that he was nothing more than a painful memory of his past.

He can offer him is undying love and devotion, he can push him to the extent, but he feared… that it wasn't enough anymore, and that sooner or later, Ritsu will leave him again, to chase his dreams or marry someone else who is much much more better than him.

He was afraid of so many things, he was desperate to keep the man in his life and refrain him from leaving, he was willing to fight for his love, discarding the warnings of doomed love that his best friend kept on reminding him.

That is why he kept on chaining Ritsu, kept tabs on him, calling him if he wasn't home during the night, keeping his ear on the other side of the wall just to hear him, going home as soon as he can when Ritsu was off and keep on telling him hundreds of ' I love yous ', begging get him to stay with him, to love him back, even just a little.

Losing him once broke his whole being, losing him twice will be his death.

 _I love you..._

Masamune thought as he looked at the dark skies, rain was pouring harshly on the pavement, dropping on the ground.

He was in a standstill, even after all this time, even after all the things that happened to him, his heart is still stationary, refusing to move on, stubbornly clinging to the love that he wished to own.

 _I love you…_

He slumped on the asphalt, he was desperate, desperate to have Ritsu's heart, desperate to have him again, he was willing to chase him forever, wait for him till eternity, be with him…

All he wanted was to live the life that he had 10 years ago, that was the happiest memory that he had, where he's just Masamune and he's just Ritsu, two innocent high school students who are madly in love and didn't give a shit about the world.

 _I love you…_

But for how long? How long can he keep this fantasy to himself?

Ritsu is tired of the stillness, he wasn't, his ex lover hated it, he relished it, he wished that the both of them will meet halfway…

 _I love you…_

He put his palms on his face as he felt the teardrops hit his body.

 _I never want to lose you… never again… no way…_

He will keep on chasing Ritsu, keep on loving him, keep on pushing his love, he'd rather die making an effort than doing nothing at all…

He's lovelorn and he's love struck and he's hopeless… but he wouldn't give a fuck…

Other people don't matter… only him… only Ritsu…

 _I love you…_

 _Even if you threw me and my feelings away, even if you hate me… even if you leave me, my heart will never forget you… I will still love you…forever and ever…_

 _My dear Ritsu…_

 _Tell me… was it too much to ask for you to love me back?_

 _To love me again…?_

 _All I want is you..._

 _Only you..._

 _To be with me... forever and ever..._

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Thank you for reading!

I know, so much angst, but we have to put in perspective of how Masamune felt when Ritsu left him. And we all knew that the events weren't pretty after that, and up until now, we can see read and see his desperation of keeping his precious love from leaving, no matter what it takes…


End file.
